How to survive a zombie apocalypse...

1. Keep tons of non-perishable food in your house.

2. Get out an exercise. If you can't run at least a mile at a good pace you're getting left behind. I'm not going to stop to help you if you're not needed. Children and elderly can get left too.

3. Get out of the city. If you're in NY or somewhere like that, you're screwed.

4. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, would you drive 20 minutes across town to find your loved ones? Heck no. Granny is as good as dead and if you're dumb enough to go try to save her, don't take any of my ammo. It's going to be wasted. Lock the door before you go please. Also, we're not going to undo any barricades for you to save your aunt or your stoopid dog. If you attempt to remove barricades and potentially letting the zombies in, we'll kill you. Seriously.

5. Have a lot of guns.

6. Learn how to shoot your gun.

7. Grab a bat in case the gun isn't working out for you, or you run out of ammo.

8. If your dearest loved one turned into a zombie, what would you do? Kill them. They're gone and if you don't kill them, one of us sane people will do it. If you get to acting a fool...you can leave.

9. In the event that a large group of your posse is in danger, it may make sense to aid them. You may need some of their expertise and help along the way. Ultimately, you have to look out for numero uno but dont chump out and end up delaying the inevitable screwing of yourself because your were chikin.

10. If you happen to be caught outside at the start of the apocalypse please don't wait for the zombies to wake up before finding refuge. I'd look for a walmart, mall or fortified building. A firehouse may be ideal, block the steps... I'm sure zombies can't climb poles. Poor scalding how water down the chute.

11. The 1st matter of business is to fortify your position. Check for all exits and secure them. Don't let any people of a particular "ilk" that like to open doors near the exits. Kill them if they step within 100 feet of the exit. No time for games or emotions.

12. If you hear strange noises outside, remeber that this is a zombie apocalypse. All those who wish to investigate may do so at their own risk of getting shot for stepping within 100 feet of the exit.


I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.